The Art of 'Oh, I don't want to go into the city, I have lockouts'

The Situation: Your alliance buddies are like, "HEY... YOO, COME DO CITY WITH US, WE'RE SURE TO FAIL WIN"

Of course, you DO NOT want to go into the city... City is fun and all... when you're with a rr 70 premade... wait.. no... even then it's not fun... It's fun when you win gear.. YES! That's it, it's fun when you win gear! How can you win this gear every time you roll? Well.. we have a special guest with us here today. Please welcome... THE RANK 34 THAT WINS GOLD BAG ON EVERY SINGLE STAGE!!!
YAY!!

Oh he's not here? You say he's raging on the forums over how people in sovereign are rolling on keep bags?  Typical.

If there is anything I hate doing, (I'm being honest here) it's being dunked in a pool of dead frogs going into the city, when I have lockouts on every single stage.  I almost ALWAYS pug city (I find I get better chances than if I go in with say, a fast built so called 'premade') and I say about... 60% of the time I get a bad, bad instance against gorfangs most feared order players.  But 40% of the time I get a good instance... by good instance I mean win at least one stage, I only win all 3 stages.. maybe 10% of the time I pug, which isn't bad IMO.
"BAWT TROOF!!! 10% IS LOW LOW NUMBAR!!"
Yes, it is a low number, but seriously, stage 3 lockouts for 3 days? (or something like that)  10% Is about the time I need for 3 days to go by.. maybe. But what am I waiting for? Each time it seems that I roll for warpforged and some rank 35 named Rastifusionator gets it (I swear, all early t4 people have weird names).  And then I do /cry and maybe to vent my anger I /t4 DO YOU LIKE KITTENS?!?! I LIKE KITTENS!!!

And here is an actual picture of me at the computer.

But really... what was I onto... Oh.. yeah, my ranting got away from me.  What I was going to say, is about 1/2 the people in my alliance will refuse to go into the city if they have lockouts, and me too, I admit it, I won't be like "OMGOMOGMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGMOGMGOMG NOOOO I WILLL NOT GO INTO THE CITY BECAUSE I HAZ LOCKOUTS"

During IC seiges, I gank outside if I have lockouts

During Altdorf Seiges, I gank inside the city... being of no use to my team... yay dps doks?

But I rarely.. RARELY try hard when I have a stage 3 lockout, I know you're like "Dood... that's cold man" and I know.  I don't care.  Ok maybe I do.

In other news, I'm thinking of activating my order account again and making a Witch Hunter. YAY ME!!! I already have a rank 36 WH on badlands... but I never play it for some reason. So I'll make a new one on gorfang! (This is still a maybe, I don't think I want to put up with the 'HE PLAY ORDAR AGAIN?!?! HE CWOSSWELMAR!'

I've said it once, I'll say it again.

I consider myself a member of Order and destro, not just of destro.

And don't worry, even I were ever to feed info, I'm sure WIKILEAKS would rat me out :-D

And because today's post was so bland and boring for you guys, heres a picture <3

OH, and I found out who thekillaoftru was... <3

Rank up your WL please, I want to see YOU in t4 good friend <333333333333333333

I R THARCHAMPIONOFTROOF!

Today in my third city instance EVAR on my Warrior Priest (EVAR I say....EV....AR...) EVAR!
Anyways, I crashed client so I could be a champion, and I was :D.  After a long emote war with all of destro, stage 3 finally came and I was a happy little/big champion.

I tried to draw stewie griffin, but I failed so I Xed it out because it sucked.  I also drew the olympic torch with me inside of it.. but thta failed to.. And I didn't want to cross it out.

But I didn't win because I was outnumbered by destro,it was 12 to 1.  And a rank35 doesn't fare well again 12 high renown rank players.

But the emote made it better.

Poll Results:

The New Dungeon Is...

Fun: 0%

Boring: 14%

Meh, it's alright I guess: 6%

Never Tried it: 21%

SAMUEL L JACKSON SWEARS BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE: 57%

 

On a side note for this Poll Result: Samuel L Jackson is the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD EVAR that can say "Mother****er" and make it feel like you've been tickled by the feathers of angels and dipped into a nice sweet warm pool of happiness.

 

Standing outside the gates of...tru..?

What have I spent today doing?  Waiting for Battle of Praag to pop and just.. sittin' by the gates of Altdorf saying hello to anyone who happens to appear.  I'm too lazy to move and go to IC or.. something, so I just sit here... waiting.. thinking about...

Nothing.  I usually just watch TV and watch family, now enough about me.

I now report I have seen so far today...

A magus, an engi, a witch elf, another dok, another dok, another dok, another dok, another dok, anoth-you get the point, an ironbreaker, a squig warrior, Mel Gibson, Gabriel Iglesias, oh wait, not the last two.

Anyhow.  Now that I've bored you with my gate standing, I'll need to say that Andy Belford advertised my blog. Even though he was probably paid by one of you (speak now, I know it!) he has givin' me a view more viewers probably.  Advertisement week or.. What did I call it? Whatever, it has so far been a success I guess, I haven't looked at my views, I'm too scared.

Way too scared.

Haha! You know what's NOT funny...

Before I get to QQing, I must mention, the same instance I am going to QQ about, I hid for 5 minutes as the only champion left while order was beating on the king and thinking "WTF IS THE LAST CHAMP" then they found me.

However.

         |

THIS v

H

And....

THIS |

         v

is/are not funny.  Somehow before the king was killed, the champions bugged INTO our spawn point.  We respawn, we die, we respawn, we die.  It really sucked.

Also I still need my freaking 2nd set of sovereign, and I keep getting over rolled by rank 33s and stuff.

And I put up a new poll.  The results from last weeks poll were...

Keep Playing DoK - 26%

Play WH on Badlands - 6%

Play a sorc - 20%

Quit the game already scrub - 0% (thank god)

Uhh there needs to be a "?" not a period - 46%
46+20+6+26 = 98?

Blogger needs to L2P

So.  It seems I get to choose what I d because the last one won.

I dunno what I should play yet, I think it might be my sorc, I've been leveling him up and he's real fun :D

Troll..Successful?

So a guildie of mine sent me these screenshots of an EPIC trolling in region today... Read the whole thing, take a look (Name blocked to spare them some honor...)

And... The Healy award goes too... CHICKEEEEEENJUUUNIIOOOORRRRR

"TROO, Dat conversation was STOOPID"

I can't give the whole conversation, he sent me over 50 SSs of pure trolling, I would have chose the best ones, but man, I don't wanna go through all those.

It all started when our person getting trolled says that nubs exit instances, then he left one obviously, and our gangsta person getting trolled says he's gonna put a cap in the family.  (I probably forgot to block out some of him)

The only thing that coulda made the whole thing better was

Is altdorf scarrrrrred of meh?

I entered altdorf today, and I was the only one in the entire instance, no destro, no order... just meh o.O.

I got 3000 renown about because I killed Volkmar then followed my lord up to the gates, I couldn't kill Karl Franz in time before the city reset.  But it was still quite interesting...

Pie tag and Champions romancing?!?! o.O

So, I can't play my WH until I hit 80 because I just remembered, I have a 500g bet with thokkgrin over who can hit 80 1st.

PIE TAG FTW!!!

Today after a nice little city instance, we got in an empty instance, so what better to do than have PIE TAAAAAG for 15 or so minutes in stage 1!!!  Was the best stage one EVAR, I was it once, and see screenshot, I hit thokkgrin for making me race him to 80. That douche!  Eventually it got bored so we equipped random pieces of armor to make it more interested. W00T W00T

OMGWTF!

I guess the stage 2 heat is too much for Lychithas and Engra.  Is Lychithas a guy or a girl, because this is bromance gone to the extreme, they got stuck on each other, and started attacking each other or something, who knows why? Not I.  But this is REAL strange...

Please, for the love of khaine, leave a comment telling me WHY THIS HAPPENED

Anyhow, we let order kill Lychithas, and "Til death do us apart" initiated and when Lychithas died, Engra just ran away.. Right to where karl franz was. Wow....

Is this Lucky, Unlucky, or am I just paramanoid?

Today was a good day for my city seiges.  I had been planning on playing cat and mouse with order the whole time.  Heres how my two instances went.

1. Stage 1 won, stage 2 lost, stage 3 lost

2. Stage 1 won, stage 2 tied, stage 3 won.

Even though I didn't win all three on either, it still was really fun.  I'll go over the 2nd instance I was in as it makes me moar ROFLing mad than the 1st one.
It's not stage 1, nor stage 2 I cared about, but stage 3.  Destro won and I got a GOLD LEWT BAHG!!!! Problem is, I got my helm... for the 3rd time in a row...

Out of frustration I scribbled lots and lotz.  I have THREE of those stupid helms, THREE.  What's worse, is that I cannot salvage it.  BOOHOOS.

Then the 1st instance we  blah blah, stage 3 I wanna talk about again.

You know how when you lose, everyone runs back and you wait to be slaughtered? Yeah well I actually charged into order and past them all the way out of the palace, then legendaryheals followed me.

The end.

I dunno what else to say so....

MONKEY

Rank 8 keeps make destro go boom.

Today I almost made it to city simply by saying in alliance: "Anyone wanna go take a BO or two".
I took the BOs in DW then holy crap, a dude advertises my wb in /t4 and in an hour we had 3 WBs running around.
After the flips of Praag and DW, we went to reikland and finally met opposition. By now we had about 5 WBs. So we flip Reikland and head to Eataine. Holy crap. We had a rank 4 keep and a rank 8 keep. The rank 4 keep we took down. Then we moved on to some BOs and finally the rank 8 keep.

We had so many people running in the same direction I felt like I was at a spanish soccer game. People running around, trampling young children, mad their team lost. A good chosen on the server, Deathicael, always says that WBs start up when someone 'Throws a chair'. I finally get what he meant. We had a freaking riot running around and so did order. The worst part is, I usually NEVER do orvr nonetheless lead a WB.  This was my 1st WB ever and it happened to almost make it to the city, in primetime!  Anyone else feel this is quite an accomplishment, or am I just being a scrub.

The above is the picture of us charing to the keep.  At 1st sight it looks like there is no order inside.  So we set up the rams, started banging on the door.  We get the ram up, and we get oil poured on so on so forth regular keep experience. I'm thinking, 'Hey we're not doing bad!' and then we get to the 2nd door.

I have no clue how much people order had, but it had to be over 200.  We had to hold off 2 WBs coming from east and west sides of the keep, then to top that off there were a bunch of rdps at the top near the oil and certainly lots more in the lord room and on 1st floor.  After maybe 30 minutes of me trying to keep it together in vent, and the whole WB afking because (Later told to me in tells) "It's a keep, nothing ever happens in keeps, we just went afk because we were bored."

Yeah well nice job.

FINALLY, the door breaks down and we charge in leaving the 50 people afk to be slaughtered.  The remainder of the people climb of the stairs only to be met by a ton of order.  I took a nice screenshot to show that I was the 1st one in the lord's room :-D.

This isn't even the most order in the keep, I took 2 Screenshots because in the 1st one, there were so many order you couldn't see my body.  This pic so happens to be right after 3/4 of the people in the room ran out to wipe the other destro.  Then after the wipe.  Everyone sorta.. left... So I tried to take BOs in BC, but then order showed up and wiped us all. Then I stopped to write this blog post.

But, if you look at the good side.  The 1st serious WB I have ever led, I almost made it to the city, ONE zone away.  Go me.

A Humorous guide to City Stage 3.

(1st, I just wanted to say I am now on twitter, twitter.com/thehealeroftru , Follow if you wish)

The instance starts out with usually Tchar'zanek (Probably Mr. K Franz too) saying you guys all suck for being spawn camped (At least, thats what I got out of it) and we need to kill the enemy king, blah blah blah so one. For some reason Tchar'zanek is really mad. My guess would be his Chicken legs he has, (No, they're not skinny, they just go back like a chicken) my guess is was in a serious accident (probably when he was a teenager, doing something stupid like assaulting Nordland or Finding a Chaos God) and has not since recovered.

Interesting back story, this all started because in high school, when Mr. K and the big T-Z were friends. They fought over a girl probably and Karl Franz was royalty so she probably went to him and Tchar never got over it. You know, maybe Karl will have a Son and Tchar will have a daughter and the son and daughter fall in love, plan to run away to Mantua Avelorn without their parents ever knowing. Then they kill themselves in the dramatic end...

Oh right, city, shoulda taken my A.D.D. medicine today. Anyways, so while he's talking you have lots of thoughts.
"Who's gonna be the champion?"
"Will I be the Champion"
"I hope that Lowbie isn't champion"
"Please have the champion not be a dps dok"
so on so forth as shown in my screenshot below.

Next, you run out into the statue place and kill every living thing you see.  Given that you don't get aoed down by a premade of the opposite realm.  Of course the kings need to focus on each other because of that old high school rivalry.  It's sorta like Harvard vs Yale or Montague's vs Capulets.  No one really knows who started it, and no one likes to be the sore loser who breaks tradition.
Anyhow, they battle it out and you fight the other's teams lucky people who got to be champions. (Maybe even unlucky because it just makes you a bigger target, Personally I think it'd be awesome if mythic added to the game a little arrow pointing to the champion that says "KILL ME" instead of just a pillar of red or blue)
But if you watch they both fight viciously, in your mind you think, "Wow, stupid evil Tchar'zanek, doing the bad thing" but if you look closer its not what's on the outside that counts. It's on the inside,  Before this city push Tchar'zanek got a letter from a little girl, and he was just doing this for the little girl.  Meanwhile, you are getting injured, burnt, lawled at, and you now have footprints in places where footprints should never be. 

Notice how there is so much AoE the air gets all distorted. 

So, now the opposing realm pushes you into your spawn point while your poor Tchar/Franz is left to face a horrible death of lots of fire and a poor reminder of the little girl he let down.  Now since I have no more fighting to go over (Other than saying go into the champ party even if not a champ and claim you're "support" for more renown, ssshhh) I will tell you to observe the area and look at order's top 10 champ people. It changes every week, I feel VERY bad for the stone carver that has to do this weekly.  Must be a sad, long, boring life.

In the meantime, be sure to tell everyone to attack tanks in /SC then brag about your score no matter how low.

Ex: I GOT 100K DMG BISHES!

Ex: DING!!! 45.07% INTO RR 47!!!!

Ex: Ahhh yea, Thehealeroftru critically hits Sadaell for 163 damage. 

Now here is a lovely screenshot drawn madden-style so you can explain professional what happens now.  You see, now your only option is to spam your favorite move, or your least favorite move.  Based on this SS though, Order NEEDS to wipe that graffiti off of the walls.  I hear it is a really ratty town (Not any better to IC, IC is a daemony town)

Then once your king gets waffle-stomped, your spawn barrier goes away and opposite realm runs at you like a rabid walrus hungry for Pink Dolphin flesh. This is where you RUN even though there is nothing you can do about because your king being defeated makes you shiver in fear and give in to swords and death and sadness and plague and Lazytown and whatever grisly things order can think up.

Fortunately for me, I at least get featured on Order's Happy Summer cards, Yay.

It's gonna be hot! Hurry, Beaches in Nordland and Reikland are gonna be filled to capacity before you know it.

And that is all you should know about City stage 3.