Saturday, October 13, 2012

I typed this up months and months ago before I quit. I'll post it for old time's sake.

I made this post a loooong time ago.  Right after I made the first "Good Idea for New Content and stuffs"  I'm never going to finish it obviously since I no longer play WAR and haven't for almost a year now.  But I'll post it anyways.  Just for old time's sake.

It's not finished.  Sorry.


Who's feeling Nostalgic? I am!
Who just read every post I've ever made because of said Nostalgia? I did!

After reading through all of my posts I've decided that this blog was always missing one thing: cowbell Kittehs and that thing would be length! All of my posts so short, so insignificant!
And at the same time all of that Nostalgia makes you resub to Warhammer Online because you really miss the good ol' days where you loathed to be rr 70 so you could be in full warlord and rr 80 was a long way away.  Sadly, those days will never come back, but after looking after over the years of Warhammer we all see that the game was missing one thing (Aside from funding, staff, breaks from EA, etc): Content!! 
Do you see how the word "Content" stands out? That is the beauty of the internet things, you can make certain words stick out and look meaningful! Potatoes! Carrots!

Which one of those do you want now? I think the potatoes seem more fulfilling at this moment in time, as they are bolded!

But enough of that, I get off topic very easily, as you can see by the title of this post, this will be yet another patch that should be taken into consideration by Mythic! Here we goooo...

1.4.4 was a major success (Why wouldn't it be) and now we are back.. bringing you not 1.4.5 (Too cliche, we're hipsters now) but instead 1.6.0!! (1.5.0 was also too cliche). Yes! Now instead of telling you a summary in this sentence, we're going to lay it on you slowly so you don't get too excited, we will tell you each new feature over the course of the notes, hooray!


The following is the new Scenerio Line up:

Tier 1:

  • Eternal Citadel (Still)
  • Not Nordenwatch
  • Gates of Ekrund
  • Not Nordenwatch
  • Khaine's Embrace
  • Still Not Nordenwatch
Tier 2: 
  • Eternal Citadel (Best SC evar)
  • Not Nordenwatch
  • Gates of Ekrund
  • Not... Mourkain Temple
  • Phoenix Throne 
Tier 3:
  • All Scenerios have been taken out of tier 3, like.. seriously, it's not like they're going to pop anyways, saves us some coding, bro!
Tier 4:
  • Eternal Citadel (Get over it)
  • Not Nordenwatch
  • Gates of Ekrund
  • Caledor Woods
  • Phoenix Throne

New Content: #1
WOWWWOWOW! Introducing, the autotune your character!! (Sponsored by T-Pain since we're a big shot game now)
Is your character's voice and war shouts lame? Do they lack the spice you want in the game of WAR? Well now for only 600 gold you can buy the autotune microphone (offhand wep)
Now whenever your character yells, it sounds like the autotune gods reached their hands down and made you sound beautiful! (Or fake, whichever you prefer)
Now your character can pass gas and make it sound like Dubstep. (No really, ever heard dubstep? You could make that exact same sound with a fart and autotune)


We are introducing changes to ALL classes.  So rejoice! REJOICE!

Bug Fisxes: Lol. Typo.  I meant "Fixes." So.. that's been fixed!
Balance Changes: Last patch we introduced the ability "Isha's Pregnant!!!" It's been 6 months later so we're now also adding the ability "Nausea" which you WILL use no matter what. In fact, it's passive, you get a permanent -100 penalty to all stats.  

Bug Fixes: All Blackguard helms were not showing the appropriate graphic.  It now correctly shows a traffic cone.
Balance Changes: The entire Mechanic for Blackguard has been revamped.  Because the Parental Counselors of America has been complaining about negativity in today's movies, TV shows, and games.. We have taken away the "Hatred" mechanic and replaced it with "Love."  It is the exact same as "hate" except it's.. "love." Peace!

Black Orc
Bug Fixes: Since release, this class has been talking like uneducated big green brutes! This has always been a bug we have meant to fix but we were always too busy to fix! The Black Orcs now have a nice British accent when they talk, instead of the one they've had. 
Balance Changes: New ability called "Anarchy" added, when used the Black Orc scraps the "Plan" mechanic.

Bright Wizard
Bug Fixes: Silly String shooting was a stupid idea, makes your character go blind, Bright wizards now shoot Spaghetti noodles.
Balance Changes: When making your Bright Wizard, you can now give yourself a preset character that looks and sounds exactly like Carrot Top. 

Bug Fixes: OH MY GOSH THERES A SPIDER ON MY SCREEN.  It's gone now though.
Balance Changes: In fixing the Black Orc speech bug, we also are balancing the choppa's voice to sound like a scottish accent.  We need to get over the "Green people are inferior" crap. 

Bug Fixes: None! Yes! This one is right!
Balance Changes: Some of the awesome design of their armor made the other classes feel inferior, and here at Bioware Mythic EA (Who even runs this anymore?) our main goal is towards equality.  So we're going to rob the chosen of his armor, and give him some new cloth looking armor. How will this affect balance you ask? No clue.

Disciple of Khaine
Bug Fixes: Fixed a bug that was preventing Khaine's Embrace (group heal) from healing for the appropriate amount, Khaine's Embrace will now heal all party members within 100 feet for 7000 hit points. 
Balance Changes: A new ability called "Pay child support" has been added.  This steadily takes off 70 gold per month from your Disciple of Khaine character towards the payment of Isha's baby in which Khaine is the "Baby Daddy" (I use cool slang now, homies)

Bug Fixes: The ability "Nuclear Bomb" was not working correctly.  It will now also cause all zones to become as dry as Land of the Dead.
Balance Changes: Added new ability called "Minimum Wage." Our goal here at EAMythicware is to also make the game as realistic as possible, so we're giving these construction workers this ability that gives the class 5 silver when used.  Can only be used once every 72 hours.

Bug Fixes: Rick Astley will never give you up. I just thought I should let you know. This is also a filler space because we actually don't feel like fixing anything for this class. 
Balance Changes: Made them taller. Why? Who cares. Now they're taller. What's done is done.

Knight of the Blazing Sun
Bug Fixes: SURPRISE! We fixed a tooltip issue that we're still not going to reveal to you
Balance Changes: Added ability called "Rage Quit" in which the Knight of the Blazing Sun gets rolled by a premade, then proceeds to the forums to tell everyone why they do not like what has just happened. Locks you out of the game for 23 hours. (Not 24, 24 would be too mainstream. We here at MythicEAware are hipsters too)

Shadow Warrior
Bug Fixes: Festerbomb now correctly deals 5 damage.
Balance Changes: Added ability called "Arrow to the Knee" in which they shoot an arrow towards the knee of the opponent, and the opponent must become a warcamp guard from now on. Because... they're no longer an adventurer... like in... Skyrim...