A Humorous Guide to The GUTTAR RUNNAR!!!

Ohhhh!!!!!!
After the announcement by Mythic that my class is turning into a Rune Priest, I'll be playing my Skavenz more than ever!  Yay for losing your ability to play the class you leveled!!!
Well I suppose we should go over your Gutter Runner!

This is your Gutter Runner, he is what you'd expect if Dick Cheney and Larry King had a baby, assuming they could reproduce.

What? You're saying they're both guys? Oh, you are wrong, for Dick Cheney is neither.

Lets go over the different abilities your Gutter Runner has.

#1: Weeping Blade

Hey! This is the move you will be using the most as a Gutter Runnar!  This ability does about 450-500 damage average!  Yaaaay!

This is Weeping Blade when used with a secret nerfed buttons hack I found.

Ok ok.

Press X, circle circle, X, Up, down, L2, R2, L1, L3, Triangle

And that gives you Weeping Party Blade

EYYY It's our good friend Party Dinosaur btw, wwpd (We Wub Party Dinosaur)

#2: Spin Slash

The only move in the game (Besides Ravage) that looks like an angry 12 year old hitting someone

Can't really see the kidrage in just a screenshot... I wish I had fraps on my laptop.. it's on my normal computer and I can't transfer it down.. not that I've tried...  Oh god, right, the picture.  Well Tom, it seems we have a Gutter Runner stabbing an archmage, and a yellowish fellow happily watching the murder.  If anyone has any info on who this fellow is please contact 555-Meow-Yay, back to you Tom.

#3: Leap

My favorite ability in the game other than "/cheer".. oh wait, cheer is my macro.  Then yeah this is my favorite ability in the game

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

What a fantastic ability, it makes you jump over keep walls, over enemies, over the moon, over chuck norris (Almost).

Pro-tip: When you kill someone as a gutter runner and you have this move ready for you to use, you do "/S GUTTER GUTTER GUTTER RUNNAR.. AWAAAY!!!" then you use Leap, preferably over a keep wall, or just out of sight so you seem like a freaking amazing supar hero.

#4: Snare Net

What a good move!  When people are running away from your pulsing awesomeness, you throw this where they run and if it lands on them, then they are dealt 250 damage when they move, and I have killed 1/2 wbs with this ability I'm not even kidding

I would have shown you the aftermath of this screenshot, but.... order isn't so friendly when you snare net their healers.. and... Blood + Gore not allowed on this blog.... Ok maybe a bit... in the next screenshot.

But.. yeah.. pew pew snare net pew pew

#5: Gutter Run

AKA STEALTH! Now I have a screenshot.. somewhere..

"TROO, DIS IS DUMB"

Let me go! I'm making this up as I go.

But LOOK, BLAWD! LAWTS AND LAWTS OF BLAWD! MWAHAHHAHAA

and meow.

#6: Sabotage

Yeah who cares about Sabotage

#7: Running with the pack

Since stealth increases speed, this is absolutely pointless

Yeah, like this pointless.

And lastly, don't let your skaven get wasted or...

Graphics bugs For the WIN.

Poll Results 1.4 has been...

Fun: 22%

Ok: 27%

Boring: 13%

No Change: 4%

MY CAT ROLLS UP IN A BIG BALL OF FAT WHEN SHE SLEEPS, just saying: 31%

A Humorous guide to Thanquol's Incursion

A Humorous guide to the brand new dungeon THANQUOL'S INCURSION :D

Once you enter, as you probably know by now, is a nice little tunnel and a timer that starts the instance similar to a city instance.  Once you're let in, you're left to sit with the uncharming personality of Skeetk.

Mythic DESPERATELY needs to fix the coding on this guy, he thinks he's the local gas station check out guy.  This guy was very unpleasant, when you start attacking him he calls for the police, then tells you that you can't get out because he hit the silent alarm button.  When you have an engineer on him he throws $100s at you, even though in this game bills are good for nothing but wiping blood off your blade and/or epeen.  Sometimes he switches into engineer mode, and all of the sudden starts talking like a dwarf, I just don't get it, the coding on this guy is worse than the coding on Rosie O'Donnell (Or Christine O'Donnell).

The next fine fellow is the John Goodman of Skavendom.

NO! Party Dinosaur! RUN FROM ROSIE O'SKAVEN!!  This guy puts out emote things that say "-whatever his name is- is hungry" "-bleh- is looking for food" which is EXACTLY what happens with John Goodman.  You see... he puts on a Sulley costume and hides in children's closets, then at night time he comes in and gobbles them up, so when your kid says theres a monster in the closet you'd better check just to make sure there's not really a monster in the closet.  Because John Goodman does this stuff, on thanksgiving dinner he thanks no one but the stove, because the stove doesn't steal food from him.

And- waitz just a minute I need to be talking about Thanquol's Incursion this is no good.

The next boss is slightly confused on what he is.

Our next boss says he was supposed to be born a boy and got surgery to change this Zealot, because he looks the exact freaking same as a zealot...BUT..BUT!

Does he Look like a BITCH? He kind of has stuff around him like a nurgling, so I'm not as sure to what this guy is. Maybe he's the poop of John Goodman Skaven.

This is terrible! Terrible! He also has a cloud that protects him, so... he's an angel as well?
This makes him a... Skazelingel. (Skuh-Zel-Ihn-Jehl-Doh-Ray-Me-Fah-Soe-Lah-Tee) A skazelingel..Yeah that's what I'll call him in vent now, "EVERYONE, FOCUS THE SKAZELINGEL" and everyone will be like "say whaaaaa"

The next part is an EXTREMELY important rule.

My bad.  Next time someone says "what" I should refrain from playing my two favorite parts of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPHuE5pDlEs (you can guess, can't you?)

By the way... if ANYONE can tell me how to connect a soundboard to ventrilo I'd be greatly appreciated, it gets tiring to go on youtube, then start the video then take my headset off and put it next to the speakers everytime I wanna quote something, and it's really staticy. Staticky? Stati....ky...

Anyways... have a whole bunch of masks on my warrior priest now, I was going to play it all day, but HOLY CRAP we have a test today, so I won't get much time today, I really have nothing to post about to be honest, I just know that the poll has been expired for about two days so I need to update it.  But if anyone knows how to connect soundboard to vent, It'd be much appreciated.

Will you download TicTacToe?
Yes, I like Tic Tac Toe: 6%
Yes, because you said so: 3%
Yes, because it gives you stuff to do: 6%
Nope, no interest: 30%

Turtles should be renamed TURTALS: 53%

PS: I already had put part of this as a post today right? Well, I decided I'd add the humorous guide to it, no point in making two posts in less than 3 hours.

A humorous guide to the SACELLUM DUNGEONS!!

AKA The Doctor's Office =O

(Due to problems of my writing too small.. it has been.. ENLARGED!)
When you first enter you have the old people magazines and the "Prevent Nurgle Disease spread" posters. OOOOOH SCARY DOCTORS OFFICE!!! And a hall with a scary stairs that go downstairs to... the down place. Now, as I know you're not deeply engaged in the story, just like Harry Potter, or To Kill a Mockingbird or.. Pride and Prejudice.. You're wondering, who's the doctor? Do I see a Dr. Dre joke coming on? Is Thehealeroftru the doktordre? What about the doctor? Is he a certified doctor or a "This product is known to cause cancer in the state of california" doctor?  Turn the page to find out... Wait this blog has no pages, it's on the intarwebz.

You stand in the waiting room for THREE HOURS.
After that time, I don't give a crap about Snooki's new STD, or how Paris Hilton is getting a light sentence... AGAIN.
Nor do I care about Britney Spear's new playah.  I know every single way of how to stop nurgle by now.  And the posters and magazines are starting to mix, such as I remember seeing Jennifer Aniston's new boils on her new boob implants (see even the magazine editions are starting to mix)

Anyways, you walk into another room, maybe I wasn't supposed to be here, but it seems the people from 'I am Legend' (but with WINGS!) come out of the rooms (Will Smith's Antidote didn't work...AGAIN) and tickle you til you are gasping for air! And you just can't take the laughter and cuteness anymore!

Finally, they're dead because I had a thorns pot by chance (THORNS POTS FTW!).
I think I found the doctor's room, but NOOOOOOOO...

So, I didn't find the doctor, but I found something you might find in "The Odyssey" Wait.. is a hydra in the Odyssey? No? Well, I should probably have taken a screenshot of the dead Hydra and put a tree trunk in his eye or something.  ANYWAYS.  I R now lost in thedoctaroftru's office, and I can't freaking find where I was supposed to get my ADD prescription.  BUT, I find another corridor, and I fend off the nurses and the... the... whatever else there is.

And after an arguement with the mother (eww inorite) of 4-5 children. (see above screenshot, as the arguement was coming to an end) But... I finally found it!  The Doctor's room!
BUT, Unfortunately...

THEY WERE INFECTED WITH THE INFESTED TERRAN VIRUS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!

All I did was ask if they had my prescription, little did I know I accidentally ripped them out of millions of taxpayer dollars going to the Haiti Fund.  But... The doctors weren't very happy with my arrival, so I had to KILL THEM and send THEM to the hospital.

THEY will get us!

THEY will get you!

THEY control the world!

Wait what was I talking about?  Anyhow...  I finally got them to give me my prescription.

Not only did I find my meds. And a wedding ring and a boot.

I found a letter to the doctor from someone, in first grade style of writing. "You be my friend? Circle Yes or no"

I circled MAYBE, because...just because.

I may have finally got my Meds, but...they were the wrong meds, they were the ones that are for OCD, But I'm already full on those.

THE END.

Now, for Poll results.

Did you Participate in PQ day?

I did a lot of PQs: 9%

I did a few PQs: 27%

I did no PQs: 36%

I think PQ stands for "Pants Quilt": 27%

9%+27%+27%+36%=99%  Alright, who didn't vote :-P

A Humorous Guide to KEEP DEFENSES!

I was gonna save this for the Q&A session with the devs to hopefully get their attention, but, I will not be available at the time they are holding it at.  SO, here you go....


Keep Defense:  N, The Hopeless act of defending an attacked keep with hopes of... A. Getting Annihilator Gear, B. Stealing Annihilator gear because you didn't get your Sov piece, and C. Getting some free renown. 

However.  Some people defend for other reasons.

Don't... Lose.. The keep...

Occasionally, you wipe as well...  Wiping in a keep defense is nothing to fret about, it just means it's time for a game of Hide and seek with your favorite enemy.  May I recommend in the bushes outside, or on the tallest tower, or if you're a Witch Elf or Witch Hunter, then just go invis and tickle Bright Wizards til they sneeze fire.

Remember, when they find you... Jump! It's Hide and Seek AND Tag :D

If there is no action in tier 4, you can always go down to the lower tiers and pick a fight there.

Because as a chicken you get unlocks, and possibly renown

I've always wanted to see a whole WB of chickens :-D

A good thing, is when you're winning thekeep defense and everyone group hugs and then pushes out the door.

As you could see, the comment made  by the sorc is very true. 

But.. Sometimes it's not good and then order swarms the keep, making you run up to the 2nd level to see the graffiti left by ex keep defenders.

Weee.... INC Lots of death =O.   When you try to kill them, be sure to hit on tanks.

I.E.: /1 my god... 1. Hit on tanks, 2. Don't charge, cower 3.  When they seem to be winning FOR GOD'S SAKE JUST GIVE UP, spam /lol and hope for a @ post on the forums.

And that is how Keeps should be defended..........

A Humorous guide to City Stage 3.

(1st, I just wanted to say I am now on twitter, twitter.com/thehealeroftru , Follow if you wish)

The instance starts out with usually Tchar'zanek (Probably Mr. K Franz too) saying you guys all suck for being spawn camped (At least, thats what I got out of it) and we need to kill the enemy king, blah blah blah so one. For some reason Tchar'zanek is really mad. My guess would be his Chicken legs he has, (No, they're not skinny, they just go back like a chicken) my guess is was in a serious accident (probably when he was a teenager, doing something stupid like assaulting Nordland or Finding a Chaos God) and has not since recovered.

Interesting back story, this all started because in high school, when Mr. K and the big T-Z were friends. They fought over a girl probably and Karl Franz was royalty so she probably went to him and Tchar never got over it. You know, maybe Karl will have a Son and Tchar will have a daughter and the son and daughter fall in love, plan to run away to Mantua Avelorn without their parents ever knowing. Then they kill themselves in the dramatic end...

Oh right, city, shoulda taken my A.D.D. medicine today. Anyways, so while he's talking you have lots of thoughts.
"Who's gonna be the champion?"
"Will I be the Champion"
"I hope that Lowbie isn't champion"
"Please have the champion not be a dps dok"
so on so forth as shown in my screenshot below.

Next, you run out into the statue place and kill every living thing you see.  Given that you don't get aoed down by a premade of the opposite realm.  Of course the kings need to focus on each other because of that old high school rivalry.  It's sorta like Harvard vs Yale or Montague's vs Capulets.  No one really knows who started it, and no one likes to be the sore loser who breaks tradition.
Anyhow, they battle it out and you fight the other's teams lucky people who got to be champions. (Maybe even unlucky because it just makes you a bigger target, Personally I think it'd be awesome if mythic added to the game a little arrow pointing to the champion that says "KILL ME" instead of just a pillar of red or blue)
But if you watch they both fight viciously, in your mind you think, "Wow, stupid evil Tchar'zanek, doing the bad thing" but if you look closer its not what's on the outside that counts. It's on the inside,  Before this city push Tchar'zanek got a letter from a little girl, and he was just doing this for the little girl.  Meanwhile, you are getting injured, burnt, lawled at, and you now have footprints in places where footprints should never be. 

Notice how there is so much AoE the air gets all distorted. 

So, now the opposing realm pushes you into your spawn point while your poor Tchar/Franz is left to face a horrible death of lots of fire and a poor reminder of the little girl he let down.  Now since I have no more fighting to go over (Other than saying go into the champ party even if not a champ and claim you're "support" for more renown, ssshhh) I will tell you to observe the area and look at order's top 10 champ people. It changes every week, I feel VERY bad for the stone carver that has to do this weekly.  Must be a sad, long, boring life.

In the meantime, be sure to tell everyone to attack tanks in /SC then brag about your score no matter how low.

Ex: I GOT 100K DMG BISHES!

Ex: DING!!! 45.07% INTO RR 47!!!!

Ex: Ahhh yea, Thehealeroftru critically hits Sadaell for 163 damage. 

Now here is a lovely screenshot drawn madden-style so you can explain professional what happens now.  You see, now your only option is to spam your favorite move, or your least favorite move.  Based on this SS though, Order NEEDS to wipe that graffiti off of the walls.  I hear it is a really ratty town (Not any better to IC, IC is a daemony town)

Then once your king gets waffle-stomped, your spawn barrier goes away and opposite realm runs at you like a rabid walrus hungry for Pink Dolphin flesh. This is where you RUN even though there is nothing you can do about because your king being defeated makes you shiver in fear and give in to swords and death and sadness and plague and Lazytown and whatever grisly things order can think up.

Fortunately for me, I at least get featured on Order's Happy Summer cards, Yay.

It's gonna be hot! Hurry, Beaches in Nordland and Reikland are gonna be filled to capacity before you know it.

And that is all you should know about City stage 3.