A Humorous guide to Thanquol's Incursion

A Humorous guide to the brand new dungeon THANQUOL'S INCURSION :D

Once you enter, as you probably know by now, is a nice little tunnel and a timer that starts the instance similar to a city instance.  Once you're let in, you're left to sit with the uncharming personality of Skeetk.

Mythic DESPERATELY needs to fix the coding on this guy, he thinks he's the local gas station check out guy.  This guy was very unpleasant, when you start attacking him he calls for the police, then tells you that you can't get out because he hit the silent alarm button.  When you have an engineer on him he throws $100s at you, even though in this game bills are good for nothing but wiping blood off your blade and/or epeen.  Sometimes he switches into engineer mode, and all of the sudden starts talking like a dwarf, I just don't get it, the coding on this guy is worse than the coding on Rosie O'Donnell (Or Christine O'Donnell).

The next fine fellow is the John Goodman of Skavendom.

NO! Party Dinosaur! RUN FROM ROSIE O'SKAVEN!!  This guy puts out emote things that say "-whatever his name is- is hungry" "-bleh- is looking for food" which is EXACTLY what happens with John Goodman.  You see... he puts on a Sulley costume and hides in children's closets, then at night time he comes in and gobbles them up, so when your kid says theres a monster in the closet you'd better check just to make sure there's not really a monster in the closet.  Because John Goodman does this stuff, on thanksgiving dinner he thanks no one but the stove, because the stove doesn't steal food from him.

And- waitz just a minute I need to be talking about Thanquol's Incursion this is no good.

The next boss is slightly confused on what he is.

Our next boss says he was supposed to be born a boy and got surgery to change this Zealot, because he looks the exact freaking same as a zealot...BUT..BUT!

Does he Look like a BITCH? He kind of has stuff around him like a nurgling, so I'm not as sure to what this guy is. Maybe he's the poop of John Goodman Skaven.

This is terrible! Terrible! He also has a cloud that protects him, so... he's an angel as well?
This makes him a... Skazelingel. (Skuh-Zel-Ihn-Jehl-Doh-Ray-Me-Fah-Soe-Lah-Tee) A skazelingel..Yeah that's what I'll call him in vent now, "EVERYONE, FOCUS THE SKAZELINGEL" and everyone will be like "say whaaaaa"

The next part is an EXTREMELY important rule.

My bad.  Next time someone says "what" I should refrain from playing my two favorite parts of http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPHuE5pDlEs (you can guess, can't you?)

By the way... if ANYONE can tell me how to connect a soundboard to ventrilo I'd be greatly appreciated, it gets tiring to go on youtube, then start the video then take my headset off and put it next to the speakers everytime I wanna quote something, and it's really staticy. Staticky? Stati....ky...

Anyways... have a whole bunch of masks on my warrior priest now, I was going to play it all day, but HOLY CRAP we have a test today, so I won't get much time today, I really have nothing to post about to be honest, I just know that the poll has been expired for about two days so I need to update it.  But if anyone knows how to connect soundboard to vent, It'd be much appreciated.

Will you download TicTacToe?
Yes, I like Tic Tac Toe: 6%
Yes, because you said so: 3%
Yes, because it gives you stuff to do: 6%
Nope, no interest: 30%

Turtles should be renamed TURTALS: 53%

PS: I already had put part of this as a post today right? Well, I decided I'd add the humorous guide to it, no point in making two posts in less than 3 hours.

How the Devs probably feel about the fanbase.

You know theres things that the devs cannot say, that they DESPERATELY want to say, but they can't because that would be unprofessional.
The following are situations, and what they would like to say.

Situation One: They're reading over the forums, and there are some nasty comments about them spread out everywhere.  They're feeling quite sad, and need a banana.  However, the Mythic giant Fridge of bananas IS ALL OUT OF BANANAS. They're feeling a bit POed, so they go back to the forums to update the Marauder changes. After that they go back to looking at posts to lock on the forums.  Then they see a thread titled "Mythic Sucks".  They go in, and basically what it says is "MIFFIC, YOO'Z MEAN, YEAH.. YEAH.. YOOZ WAAAY MEAN, YOO BANNED ME BECAUSE I SPEED HACK, EVEN DOH I DOHN'T SPEED HACK"
They look him up and try to find his case, but they find out... he isn't banned.. he's just trolling.. This is where they want to yell at the community...

This is what they'd like to say to us. 

Situation 2: It's the Q&A after the Public Test on Warpstone!  They're excited to answer all our questions about classes and content and fruit and whatever.  And they're going down the list.  Then we get to someones comment that says something like... "What are you doing about the Magus, we're getting nerfed and nerfed and I think you guys suck at making this game, I've been playing games for 3 years, that means I'm a pro gamer, and I know everything about balance and stuff... oh and I play a magus"

In the office on vent, Andy is /facepalming himself, because people who can't one shot ironbreakers complain.  Really, what Mythic would like to say to the player who can't one shot ironbreakers is...

Clark Gable does put it very nicely.

Situation 3: They're having a PM back and forth with a player who seems to not understand, DoKs are not underpowered, and are not going to get a buff anytime soon, BUT the player is terrifyingly persistent, insisting that he can't heal as good as the rr 80 warrior priest.

Once again Mythic sends him a PM saying that DoK is not getting a buff.  But he persists, and asks again.. Mythic says...

Wait.. wait... A pure picture can't contain this moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_mDTLphIVY&feature=related

Please, click on that and see what Mythic has to say. (Contains Profanity)

Situation 4: Some troll is going around to all websites posting crap about Mythic, The Devs catch wind of these after restocking their banana fridge.  They're really mad at this, how they really hate trolls, as seen in Situation one. What they'd like to say is.

And they ban that guys account.  FOR...EV....ER......

Poll results:

On a scale of 1-10 how entertaining is this blog?

1-2: 19%

3-4: 0%

5-6: 0%

7-8: 15%

9-10: 26%

Fish: 38%

Evidently, lots of people think I'm boring.

I don't blame you.

Live Event and.. uh.... uhh....... something stupid.. lets put it at that.

Today's chat was out of control.
Many people are giving Mythic support including...

See guys! They all say we should stop bashing mythic, because bashing Mythic is going to do nothing but make you look like a moron, just like Thehealeroftru, He's a moron, and you don't want to end up like him, do you?

NO!

No! You do not!

But seriously, chat was getting pretty nasty today.

Now that I used finally used my Chris Cocker, excuse me, Chris Crocker picture for something, now onto the wonderful live event.

I finally, FINALLY got the stupid 8th mask today, After about 10 times of toiling hard healing as much as I could and placing around 20th in contribution, I FINALLY get a bag by...

AFKING.

That's right, being afk, I went afk to go get something to eat, and when I came back "You have ranked 7th in contribution" out of about 24 people.  Then I rolled a 700, which was enough to get me 3rd place, and a nice shiny Face-Eater mask.  I now have all the masks but one (which I threw away LAST event, so I need to get that sometime)

My goal of getting full inf on BOTH my warrior priest and my dok probably won't happen. But... whatever. I'll just ask at the Bloodthirster PQ.

I really wish that Mythic had at least added two more masks.  Instead of just staying with the normal 8.

Oh well.

Thehealeroftru's WAR blog.. THE MUSICAL!

Ok... Ok... theres no music.  Or dancing.  Or ... Anything.

BUUUT, there is the PTS I went to yesterday, You see what happened, was there was a large bug that made them end the PTS prematurely (They said at the moment it only allows a certain amount of instances to be active at one), BUT I still got into the dungeons.  Lets start a clock of how I got in even though the instances were full.

0:00:00: Everyone tries to join in the dungeon, we're all transported to Norsa :D
0:00:30: Mythic announces they're ending the PTS as it's a bug that will take coding to fix.
0:00:00-0:10:00: Immature assfaces CWY CWY CWY in advice chat and region, they obviously didn't get the term TEST. Say it with me. T-E-S-T. TEST, Don't think it was supposed to go smoothly. While it is a preview for new content, that is not all it is, by coming to the PTS you are agreeing to help them with the new content, they can't test with all the devs, because this dungeon-thing is a 24 VS 24, there are not 48 devs.  During this 0-10 minutes I try to calm people down by telling them the sad truth of why they were invited here, but all I see in chat is "WAH WAH WAH CRY QQ, /EMO", One notable quote was "IT'S 3 AM HERE, WHY CAN'T THEY MAKE A TEST JUST FOR EUROPE" which I promptly threw my computer out the window at, because if you read the herald, they DID.
0:10:01: People quitting after the QQing.
0:15:00: The smart people stay, do orvr til more people leave.
0:20:00: TADAAAAAHHH an instance open because everyone left.

"Great things come to those who wait" -Some famous guy probably

Also, I lead the BESTEST BESTEST WB EVAR because it was an all Gorfang Warband, not that I don't like other servers, I just like running with people I know (we did invite a few people from other servers because there weren't that much gorfangys) TY for all those destro who came to our gorfang wb

Anyways.  Here's some Screenshots of the nice little instance.

As you can see, the one above has a new item and lots of PUS, LAWTS AND LAWTS OF PUS. 
No, not really, not lawts of pus.
But skeeter or whatever the hell his name is is the first boss. (He's a hillbillay Skaven) Skeeter's PQ drops green bags. Just green bags.
I didn't get past he second boss or get to the third, because I got bored.  I'm sorry to say that, I really am.  But you just run in a big room, and then you meet order with the boss in the middle, and you aoe the crap out of everything. It wouldn't be so bad, but GOD are those bosses tough, I swear 30 minutes after boss 2 started he was still above 50% (and that's not an exaggeration, not even joking with you)
So, they're fixing it, test'll be maybe next week, hopefully we don't get as much Chris Crockers (ZING)

In other news, my wonderful WP has hit t4, and is not doing bad at all :-D

Those are two of the times where I've been top heals.  I've come extremely close a lot of the other times (Mostly within 5-10k heals) but sometimes I do terribad and get like 50k off. :-( I WILLY WILLY WILLY like playing this Warrior Priest. It makes meh happay.

And now for poll results:

WAIT WAIT... "THAR BE NO POLL RESULTZ TRU, WHAT YOU DOING"

I don't know.

Nevermind.

NERFED BUTTONS IS EVOLVING!!!!!!1111

Nerfed Buttons
The games most fearful addon is Evolving into something more silent and easy to use o.O
It's like a freaking virus, it's becoming less detectable.
http://war.curse.com/downloads/war-addons/details/castsequence.aspx
Is the Swine Flu of the addons.  It's Nerfed buttons, But it's easier to figure out AND it doesn't give a nerfed buttons button near the minimap. In a few months, heres the newest Nerfed Buttons Accusation...

MelGibson: Bawbthebuildah YOO YOOSE NERFED BUTTONS YOU HACKAR! You killed me real gud.
Bawbthebuildah: NUU NUU My tight guildies who have never once seen my UI can tell you that fer sure I don't use nerfed buttons, See! /screenshot
MelGibson: Well.. You use CAST SEQUENCE instead, because That addon is the new nerfed buttons
Bawbthebuildah: While that may be true my guild is much better than yours because we have 50 rr 80s who hate each other, and your guild is just 200 people who are all friends but rr 50s, AND my e-peen can hold up to 18 gigabytes.
(so on so forth)

AMAGAD! Terrible things are going to happen, maybe I use CAST SEQUENCE AND Autofocus and whatnot.
Maybe I'm to busy playing the best addon EVAR (Yes, another best addon EVAR) http://war.curse.com/downloads/war-addons/details/tictactoe.aspx
TICTACTOE!

So, the next time a dwarf or something starts beating on you, just say

and remember that Virus Nerfed Buttons and how it's evolving, and FEAR the nerfed buttons FEAR them... FEAR... THEM!

Poll Results:
Do you think Thehealeroftru is a CROSSREALMER?!?!?!

Yes and he should be punished: 37%

Yes but it's ok with me: 12%

No, Crossrealming = Feeding Information: 4%...ok that vote was me :-(

No, Just because: 16%

STEPHEN COLBERT IS THE BESTEST EVAR: 29%

What??!?! You think I should be banned??!?! Explain youzselves!! :-D

Thevacationoftru

Well, I was gonna make a post yesterday explaining this but I had to much of a freaking time grinding 8 ranks (RANK 28 NOW!!)
"WOW DA HEALAH O' TROOF IS GONNA HIT T4 THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No, because I'm going away for a few days. Til sunday to be exact. While I still have my laptop on which I play warhammer with me, I've tried to play there before. It's ridiculous to even TRY to play.  So much lag, SO MUCH.. SO MUCH..
So this will be my last post for this week unless I miraculously get wonderful connection, or even semi good connection.

Poll results: I'm making an order char! Tru you should make a...
Warrior priest: 3%
Archmage: 25%
engineer: 22%
Bright wizard: 11%
Hairless cats look awesome: 11%

Well as you know I already made my WP, but I guess I could try an AM some time.

See you guys next week or hopefully this week.

It's STOWYTIME

In the quest for 40, I've decided to make my very own WAR childrens story, so get the kids in here (Or not...don't)

Once upon a time, a long long time ago sometime this afternoon. Way back when Jersey Shore wasn't poisoning the minds of every child to watch TV.  Way back when Bill Gates was known as 'Bill Fence' I was questing (OMG, CHYEAH QUESTING) to try to rank up, when I came about some magic genie who kinda looked like Victoria Beckham during the Spice Girls era, and I asked...

He twirled his hand and punched my in the face and...

Yay.  And I was more excited than Tom Cruise on Oprah a few years ago (It was Oprah right? Aahh who cares, you all know what I'm talking about) Then...

And the damned genie beckham thing gave me my dok as my 40.  And this is not what I meant AT ALL.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Poll Results:

Should I keep adding Poll results in blog posts?

Yes, It's interesting: 33%

Meh, I don't care: 11%

No, It's a waste of Post space: 0%

No, we can check it ourselves: 5%

Hairless kittens are the best: 50%

33+11+5+50=who cares, not 100, you add it up.

It seems that Everyone likes hairless kittens... Ok ok I voted once for the hairless kittens, so not everyone.  But it looks like no one is annoyed by me posting these poll results along with the original blog post. 

That must mean one thing...

AHH KITTY EATS RAT!