Tuesday, November 23, 2010

In the Life of.. A choppa :D

Well, heres the blog post for today.
A: No.

A. Maybe.

Q: ..TURTALS??!?!?
A. Meh, no.

A: What a choppa thinks through his life as a choppa.

And because talking like a choppa is so effing annoying.  I'll just *ahem* "Translate" with a few obvious words like Stunties.  Also, I want you to give this Choppa a british accent and have him say "Beer Can" with that accent.

What does it sound like...? Yeah it's awesome, huh.

But anyways...

Day 1: Oh hey, I just magically transformed from some fungus thing into a choppy thing.  I met some random guy who calls himself "Da Boss" kind of self centered if you ask me.  He called us all together for a meeting tomorrow, wonder what for.

Day 2: DEAR GOD, We're soldiers!  We're soldiers! I didn't know that we came out of small fungus type organisms just to fight! If I had any clue I would have never signed up for this! (Wait.. did I sign up?)  Anyways, Da Boss has called us to go to battle against some things called "Stunties." Whatever a stuntie is, It sounds like something I'd do on a motorcycle.

Day 3: Had my first encounter with stunties today, they sure do fly easily. They look kind of like Russell Brand, just a lot shorter and with braided hair.  In my stunty battle today, I killed two stunties, I was so excited, I felt the blood raging through me and I grew to almost the size of Da Boss.  This military thing might actually be fun!

Day 4: Had another fight today, but we lost this one, I barely made it out alive with some other orcs and Da Boss, I was crying because of our losses but Da Boss said it was "No big deal."

Day 5: More deaths on the battlefield today, My orc pal Grommy has told me that we're on a suicide mission.  Suicide mission? Bah! We're soldiers we're not expendable.

Day 6: Today for the first time I saw a small lanky fellow walk into our camp today, his skin hurt my eyes it was so bright.  He said that "Tzeench" demanded more forces.  Grommy says the lanky fellow's name is "Humie" and that Tzeench is just another name for Gork.. or Mork?

Day 7: Another battle today, many killed.  Some of my fellow orcs are starting to murmur against Da Boss, some even speak of revolt. 

Day 8: Revolt taken against Da Boss, blamed on the stupid snotlings.  Snotlings killed and eaten for today's dessert.

Day 9: More Humies are coming into our camps, I'm not sure what to believe, what the gork (...mork) is going on?

Day 10: I don't know what to do! The Humie that came into our camp a few days ago arrived and turned into something horrible! I do not know what it is, perhaps I should send a gobbo out to check.

Day 10.5: Gobbo hasn't returned, I'll go out and check.

Day 10.75: Found Gobbo, inside my stomach.  Oops.

Day 11:  Da Boss has suspected me of murmuring, what am I do to, for I am innocent!  We're all out of Snotlings!

Day 12: Da Boss was mysteriously killed this afternoon.  The other orcs have celebrated me as a hero, although I did not do it.

Day 13: Grommy told me he was suspicious of me and wasn't sure about my motives, I told him that Gork would tell him the right thing.

Day 13.5: I mean Mork.

Day 14: I was walking outside our camp, I saw a weird thing eating some cows in the grass.  Not sure what it is, it scared me very much... Should I kill it?

Day 14.5: Alerted Grommy and the other orc of this strange creature in the brush.

Day 15: My camp was attacked by the creature I saw in the bush, after seeing a closer look as it rampaged, I saw it was the thing the humie turned into.  Me, Grommy, and another Orc named Kish have gone to find help.

Day 16: Killed a Slayer today, was quite a sight, the fight with passion I wish I could be just like them maybe.  Not a stunty of course, but as vicious as them.  Saw a humie party of people running toward our camp and warned them of the danger, and they simply replied, 'Yes! We must harness the power of the chaos spawn!' and ran off.

Day 17: Grommy was killed today! A snotling pushed him off a cliff by accident. I do not know what to do, I'z so confused! Maybe I should go and join the skinny Humies, they seem to know what to do!

Day 17.5: Snotling not eaten by the way, me and Kish decided to throw him at the stunty cannons when the stunties is sleeping!

Day 17.75: Oh no! Run! When we threw the snotling he made a loud noise and they killed him and now they're coming for us!  And some of the Skinny Humies were after us too!

Day 18: Kish told me that the skinnier Humies are called Elf.  We stumbled upon another Orc camp and were accepted by the group, the new Boss has the same name as my old.. Strangely enough.

Day 19: We are being told by Da New Boss to move out of camp, not sure where we're going. He says somewhere near the humies.

Day 20: We're being sent to a giant battle.  Da New Boss says I may not make it.  I wish I do make it, but Da New Boss says in Orc heaven theres all the stunties you can kill!

Day 25: Have had no time to say, we won the giant battle though, Kish however was struck by an arrow and we had to leave him behind.  He didn't care about being left behind, he just started screaming out stuff like "OI! THERES A BOW-MAN UP THERE!" but we just left him there because.. theres an arrow in his orcy spine, of course theres a guy with a bow up there.

Day 32: Just lots of battles being fought lately, no time to write.

Day 33: Da New Boss says I need to go scout the castle.  He says it's full of all the Stunties I can kill and all the Humies I can slash.  Oi! It's orc heaven!

Day 33.5: I got to the castle, came back because of too many stunties and elfies. The light sparkly elfies.

Day 34: Da New Boss say get out of 'ere and go to the castle and run headfirst into it... Ok I guess..

Day 35: Here I go.. WAAAGH (Our beloved choppa then runs toward the keep at high speed flinging his choppas high and mighty being struck by many arrows and firebolts, he hits the keep with a large *THUD* and dies there, thinking "Oi! Me Life Sucks!")

Ironbreaker's book of grudges:
Day 35: Aye, in the name of grungi, keep rattled and I spilt my beer all over, Aye Me Life Sucks.

The end.

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