Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A Humorous guide to City Stage 3.

(1st, I just wanted to say I am now on twitter, , Follow if you wish)

The instance starts out with usually Tchar'zanek (Probably Mr. K Franz too) saying you guys all suck for being spawn camped (At least, thats what I got out of it) and we need to kill the enemy king, blah blah blah so one. For some reason Tchar'zanek is really mad. My guess would be his Chicken legs he has, (No, they're not skinny, they just go back like a chicken) my guess is was in a serious accident (probably when he was a teenager, doing something stupid like assaulting Nordland or Finding a Chaos God) and has not since recovered.
Interesting back story, this all started because in high school, when Mr. K and the big T-Z were friends. They fought over a girl probably and Karl Franz was royalty so she probably went to him and Tchar never got over it. You know, maybe Karl will have a Son and Tchar will have a daughter and the son and daughter fall in love, plan to run away to Mantua Avelorn without their parents ever knowing. Then they kill themselves in the dramatic end...
Oh right, city, shoulda taken my A.D.D. medicine today. Anyways, so while he's talking you have lots of thoughts.
"Who's gonna be the champion?"
"Will I be the Champion"
"I hope that Lowbie isn't champion"
"Please have the champion not be a dps dok"
so on so forth as shown in my screenshot below.

Next, you run out into the statue place and kill every living thing you see.  Given that you don't get aoed down by a premade of the opposite realm.  Of course the kings need to focus on each other because of that old high school rivalry.  It's sorta like Harvard vs Yale or Montague's vs Capulets.  No one really knows who started it, and no one likes to be the sore loser who breaks tradition.
Anyhow, they battle it out and you fight the other's teams lucky people who got to be champions. (Maybe even unlucky because it just makes you a bigger target, Personally I think it'd be awesome if mythic added to the game a little arrow pointing to the champion that says "KILL ME" instead of just a pillar of red or blue)
But if you watch they both fight viciously, in your mind you think, "Wow, stupid evil Tchar'zanek, doing the bad thing" but if you look closer its not what's on the outside that counts. It's on the inside,  Before this city push Tchar'zanek got a letter from a little girl, and he was just doing this for the little girl.  Meanwhile, you are getting injured, burnt, lawled at, and you now have footprints in places where footprints should never be. 

Notice how there is so much AoE the air gets all distorted. 

So, now the opposing realm pushes you into your spawn point while your poor Tchar/Franz is left to face a horrible death of lots of fire and a poor reminder of the little girl he let down.  Now since I have no more fighting to go over (Other than saying go into the champ party even if not a champ and claim you're "support" for more renown, ssshhh) I will tell you to observe the area and look at order's top 10 champ people. It changes every week, I feel VERY bad for the stone carver that has to do this weekly.  Must be a sad, long, boring life.

In the meantime, be sure to tell everyone to attack tanks in /SC then brag about your score no matter how low.
Ex: DING!!! 45.07% INTO RR 47!!!!
Ex: Ahhh yea, Thehealeroftru critically hits Sadaell for 163 damage. 

Now here is a lovely screenshot drawn madden-style so you can explain professional what happens now.  You see, now your only option is to spam your favorite move, or your least favorite move.  Based on this SS though, Order NEEDS to wipe that graffiti off of the walls.  I hear it is a really ratty town (Not any better to IC, IC is a daemony town)

Then once your king gets waffle-stomped, your spawn barrier goes away and opposite realm runs at you like a rabid walrus hungry for Pink Dolphin flesh. This is where you RUN even though there is nothing you can do about because your king being defeated makes you shiver in fear and give in to swords and death and sadness and plague and Lazytown and whatever grisly things order can think up.
Fortunately for me, I at least get featured on Order's Happy Summer cards, Yay.

It's gonna be hot! Hurry, Beaches in Nordland and Reikland are gonna be filled to capacity before you know it.

And that is all you should know about City stage 3.


  1. Oh no you are now on Twitter. Get ready for incoming rub it in your face kill spam from me.

  2. Sweet, I'm expecting it Klurkk >:-D

    TY hith

  3. Dude, that's epic right there.


  4. that was hilarious! Like the letter from Katie, hope she was at least a Chaos mutant.


  5. OMG - I will have to show Sadaell this. (He's my husband.) Look forward to seeing you in more city instances!

    - Kesarin

  6. This made me smile. A whole bunch.


  7. Haha! Sadaell that crit on you is a true story, not sure if you remember that city instance, you were champ as it shows. But I did scream that in /sc because my essence lash critted you for like 150 :D