Eka waging war on Mythic

http://ekaslime.wordpress.com/2011/06/21/setting-up/ is setting up for his supposedly giant post tomorrow.

So keep your eyes out for that.

Your Griffon: A guide on how to take care of your favorite pet evar

First off: Happy father's day to all who it applies to.

Hola! I decided not to use "hello" because it's an overused word, but I suppose 'Hola' would be overused as well if we went to Latin America or Spain or something. 
Anyways, I have recently discovered that I love the cute little bird dragon mount thing I ride on, and I've created a mastery guide on how to treat it well.

You've gotten your new Griffon!

He is 10 feet tall, weighs a ton and is waiting for you to give him love and attention.  Now because mounts are magic in this game, I really can't give you specifics.  But a good thing to do would be to rub his belly and then bring him to some water. Elf water is his favorite.

But don't put him too close to the water! Or he will disappear for some random reason because he is magic, and that is my only explanation for it.  Riding your mount can make it tired, be sure to take a rest every 9-10 hours. 

That is all.  I have no guide on your griffon, I am sorry, he is not complex at all.

PS: Someone said getting 10k dragon kills gives you a dragon mount, confirmation?

PPS...PSS...PPSS: 

The only people who do not hate DoKs, are DoKs

So Samuel L Jackson, what do you think of DoKs?

I didn't ask you if they needed to have that happen to them, but thank you for informing us on how you feel.
I've been playing in t2 lately on my WH on gorfang Thehaeleroftru (Some moron took 'Thehealeroftru') and I notice that a good 33% of classes I see are DoKs, and it makes me very ashamed to have a DoK.  It's like when you were a kid you get that new toy that's cooler than anything else, then everyone else starts to get that toy and you're like "Wtf, I hate that toy"... no just me?

But it kind of sucks when you're beating on a sorc or something and some dok comes over and is all "LOLREND SOUL! LOLREND SOUL! YOU DEAD BROSEF!" Then /lols at your dead body.  Oh well, better go leech some more renownz.

Poll Results:
What is your favorite set of zones?
Empire/Chaos: 27%
Dwarf/Greenskin: 33%
High Elf/Dark Elf: 16%
Kitty/Doggy: 22%

Mine is empire/chaos or Kitty/doggy.  By the way, I encourage you to vote on those.. I also would like to say I have a new header thing at the top.  Instead of saying something about muffins it now says something relevant to the world.

My super cool idea for new content and stuff.

From the future:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ORDER AND DESTRO, KITTIES AND DOGGIES I present to you my design for patch 1.4.4!  1.4.3 brought 300,000 players back to the game and also has given us 300,000 new players and WAR is back in action! So I have been assigned in bringing you the newest patch! First off, I'd like to show you my new pink tie I got in honor of this occasion.

Yes, this is a tie. How wonderful wouldn't you say?

Anyways. We have major changes coming for you! Here are the patch notes for 1.4.4!

Highlights:

• We are adding a new zone... straight out of the warhammer lore books.  It will be called Sahmyou-ale-Jagsoon. Sahmyou-ale-Jagsoon will be a land of many voices and intrigue, you must fly to get there.. but watch out for those pesky snakes!
• A new dungeon in Sahmyou-ale-Jagsoon! This dungeon will have not require wards and instead tome unlocks gotten! Oooh won't the players love this! We cannot give you more details on this dungeon only that it will be really, really awesome and you will have so much fun exploring it's secrets!
• Waldo is being added randomly to each zone.  Should you find waldo you will receive a waldo token, if you amass 5 tokens it is good for a free lap dance from Charlie Sheen. (We'd also like to take this time to apologize for the offense we may have caused with our addition of Osama Bin Laden to land of the dead)

Scenerios:

The following will be the new scenerios for each tier.

Tier 1:

• Eternal Citadel
• Eternal Citadel
• Eternal Pitadel (EC, but points can only be gained by punting people into the pit)

Tier 2:

• Eternal Citadell (EC but with dell, so you crash lawts)
• Eternal Citadel
• Eternal Citadel

Tier 3:

• Eternal Citadel

  Eternal Citadel (but with no indent)
• Eternal Citadel

Tier 4:

• Eternal Citadel
• Eternal Citadel
• Eternal Citadel (but with no rat in the backround)

Combat and Careers:

 

• Archmage
• Bug Fixes: Fixed an issue that caused them to deal spirit damage, then will now appropriately deal physical damage
• Balance Changes: Added ability called "Isha's Pregnant!!" that causes all female characters in the area to have their strength increased by 90 and causes all male characters in the area to have all stats reduced by 10.

• Black Guard
• Bug Fixes: Fixed tome unlock, OH WAIT LOL thats for another section.
• Balance Changes: Guard now is 800% more effective than other tanks. Just because "guard" is in their name

• Black Orc
• Bug Fixes: Fixed a tooltip issue that we will not reveal to you, we just want to look like we're doing something
• Balance Changes: Added ability called "Screw Da Plan!" which makes your Black Orc reroll a Chosen.

• Bright Wizard
• Bug Fixes: Fixed a bug that made them shoot fire, they now appropriate shoot silly string
• Balance Changes: Lowered damage of all abilities but made them as strong as an Ironbreaker

• Choppa
• Bug Fixes: Fixed an issue causing the ability "Get To Da Choppa!" to not appropriately play sound wav when used.  It will now correctly play the exact sound clip from the movie
• Balance Changes: Created an ability called "Da Wedgie!" usable only on Slayers.  Further clarification is not needed.

• Chosen
• Bug Fixes: Ravage now does physical damage instead of spirit damage.
• Balance Changes: Added new ability called "Stench." Can only be used as a morale 3 and makes your chosen take off all his sweaty armor exposing his stinky body to enemies and friendlies alike.  Staggers them until they are hit or til they puke.

• Disciple of Khaine
• Bug fixes: Fixed Fist of Khaine tooltip issue, ability is now correctly named "Fist of Chris Brown"
• Balance Changes: Created ability called "Khaine's the Father." When used around an Archmage the archmage immediatly loses 80% health, the dok loses 98%. When used there's a "Jerry! Jerry!" chant in the backround

• Engineer
• Bug Fixes: The one Magnet move now pulls people from all across the world.
• Balance Changes: Gave the Engineer modern day technology, all machines are now a lot more effective.  Added new ability called "Nuclear Bomb" that is an aoe auto crit stagger that does 5000 damage. 

• Ironbreaker
• Bug Fixes: Corrected a bug that caused Cave-In's knockdown to last a decade.
• Balance Changes: Added a move called "Aye Enjoy Grudges!" that causes them to turn red from rage and burst like a water balloon, instantly killing the ironbreaker but creating a youtube viral hit.

• Knight of the Blazing Sun
• Bug Fixes: Fixed their graphic helm that makes them look like a silly clown (Invader gear I think it is)
• Balance Changes: Added a move called "Sigmar Refresh Me!" which spawns a Sunny D bottle which they can drink and regain 600 health.  Cannot be used after the ability "Brush Teeth"

• Magus
• Bug Fixes: Fixed an issue dealing with the disc. The disc now appropriate drags on the ground when at low health and running away (because that would make sense for them moving slower, right?)
• Balance Changes: Made all their DoTs spirit damage and all their demons now breakdance on command.

• Marauder
• bUG fIXES: mY CAPS LOCK IS BACKWARDS.  This has been fixed
• Balance Changes: Added new mutation to marauder, "Cannon." Which switches all their str to balistics and their melee power/crit to ranged power/crit and so on.  Shoots projectiles, can only auto attack.

•  Rune Priest
• Bug Fixes: Fixed even more freakin' tooltips
• Balance Changes: Whenever someone says "RP" to signal a rune priest, they will instead be given renown points. This ability can only be used once a day.  Renown points given will vary, you will receive renown points equivilent to how many calories Rosie O'Donnell has consumed in the past hour.

• Shadow Warrior
• Bug Fixes: Now made them fat, they are no longer as skinny as supermodels
• Balance Changes: All abilities damage increased by 500 damage, festerbomb however, now deals only 7 damage.

• Shaman
• Bug Fixes: Everytime a hack accusation is made about Gork Sez Stop, 500 snotlings will be eaten.
• Balance Changes: Added ability called "Mork Sez Go!" Which is basically the opposite of Gork Sez Stop, if both Mork Sez Go and Gork Sez Stop are used on the same target then the world will explode and simply cease to exist. Dealing 30,000 damage to all individuals in any zone.

• Slayer
• Bug Fixes: Mohawk now is multicolored!
• Balance Changes: Added ability called "Diaper Change" which increases slayer speed by 40% for 30 minutes.  Can only be used once every 6 hours.

• Sorceress
• Bug Fixes: All male sorcs have been executed by request of Malekith.
• Balance Changes: Same as bright wizard.

• Squig Herder
• Bug Fixes: Squigs now try to eat you.
• Balance Changes: Added an ability called "Write Memoir" telling the story of the Squig Herder's abuse from his larger countparts, the orcs, and how to make up for it he bullied the snotlings.  The only reason he could cope with himself is to make friends with squigs.  The ability grants everyone within 30 feet +500 intelligence for 7 seconds.

• Swordmaster
• Bug Fixes: The position things now correctly look like the Swordmaster is dancing the tango.
• Balance Changes: Took away all abilities and added one ability that is the equivilent to the chosen's "Ravage."

• Warrior Priest
• Bug Fixes: Head now shines... very brightly
• Balance Changes: Every hammer hit has a chance to crush bone, snaring the target and making them move at 1% movement speed...

• White Lion
• Bug Fixes: Lions now look like adorable kittens. 
• Balance Changes: Pounce now can be used cross map. Lions now juggle balls for circus entertainment, earning you gold.

• Witch Elf:
• Bug Fixes: Warpforged gear graphics has been fixed, the class is now pretty much naked in order to draw more curious 13 year olds to the game.
• Balance Changes: All finishes are now ranged. Added move called "Seduce." All male characters in the area will have all stats reduced by 700, except  for warrior priests, who will grow hair. All females will have their damage increased by 250% and their stats increased by 40 each.

• Witch Hunter
• Bug Fixes: Gunshots now correctly deal 8000 damage.
• Balance Changes: Added move called "Insane bloodlust" which insta kills any chaos in the area.  But in return all dark elves will love the blood and have their damage and healing increased by 200%

• Zealot
• Bug Fixes: The class has been renamed "Arisechicken"
• Balance Changes: Flash of Chaos now deals damage to your target instead of healing it. Why? We don't know either, we just like making pointless changes.

Content:

• My Island will now be given to me.  Charge to visit is 10g per hour. Also adding swimming pool and waterslides along with Big Bird impersonator.
• We are adding 600 more quests and 2,600 more tome unlocks.
• The Tome of Knowledge will now track you giving you personal information. (Where you hit rr 80, who you hit it on, when you hit it, where you live, your credit card number, your favorite pet, so on so on)

That's all folks! And as a teaser to next patch... ever want a mentally retarded skeleton as a pet?

Thehealeroftru: THE DRAGON KING OF CALEDOR!

Today I killed Prince Imrik or something like that who is apparently the Dragon King of Caledor (or so Eka says) so today I am taking the title of Dragon King of Caledor, should you ever see me on the forums or in game call me Dragon King of Caledor.  I even have proof that I am the new Dragon King of Caledor.

I figured it would look more epic with a sunrise in the backround, but there was none, so I improvised and made my own.  Isn't it pretty? 
Umad Eka? You not happy that I killed your beloved king of whatever and took his title?
And now Eka would say that I cannot become the Dragon King of Caledor because being the Dragon King of Caledor comes with responsibilities with nature and High Elf stuff like that.  Well don't worry, I already have all that crap covered, I have all the responsibilities down!

As a matter of fact, I just settled a fight between two DRAGONS today, yep, they were argueing and I fixed it. 

Conclusion:

Black Dragon gets Nick Jonas.

The Yellow Dragon gets Joe Jonas

And then cut the other Jonas in half and they each get a half.

However with responsibilites comes power.. or is it with Power comes responsibility... Hmm.

Anyways, I have good power as well, today in Caledor an order player I was fighting rolled too closely to a lair, and I CALLED DOWN UPON THE DRAGON GOD AND MADE THE LIZARD KILL HIM

That lizard did what I could not, that being kill a sword and board knight. 

I will occasionally continue to update you on my journey as the new Dragon King of Caledor

Poll Results: Do you have /t4 access?

Yes: 33%

No: 44%

Depends: 0%

Only if I get to spam it with facts about cats: 22%

200TH POST YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

The only thing I give to you today, is the best quest evar.



It is a quest that you get after you do the quest "The Windstep Codex" destro only, sorry.

Btw, sorry that I am a fail at filmimg, I do not have fraps, so now I sad.

T4 chat is the chat of the gods.

As most of you know, the NBA finals are going on right now, what you might not know is that I blackmailed Shaq to retire  I am quite a big fan of basketball actually.  I happen to be cheering for the Dallas Mavericks and their unfortunate luck in the first half of the 4th quarter to them last game made me annoyed, so I decided to talk in T4 chat about it.  We ended up getting in a big conversation about the NBA and complaining how the refs seem to be calling for the Heat. (Which is an illusion cast on the world by the kitten god, in order to make everyone think their team always loses) I had since switched off the channel in the terribleness of defeat and when the conversation was over I decided to turn it back on to see the Mavericks had gone on a 20-2 run.  Which, is good.  The Dallas Mavericks ended up winning and I am convinced that T4 chat is the chat of the gods.  Anything you say into that chat will come true. Made screenshots bigger so it's easier to read...

YES!! YES!! The magic channel controls the world!!  Anything you put into this channel comes true! Including wishing that the Dallas Mavericks will win a game!

And now, the first poll results since a long time ago like when clear back when Osama lived.

What is your favorite tier?
Tier 1: 13%
Tier 2: 6%
Tier 3: 13%
Tier 4: 40%
The one that comes from your eye: 26%